Pick the words you tell yourself carefully, it could change your life. 

Do you tell yourself you should be doing this or that? Are you a part of those who believe that the quarantine was an awesome time to learn to play the piano, or rock a new skill set? Did it actually happen or were you busy just trying to get by with all the uncertainty? Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing bad in being a goal-setter. I am one of those. But let’s be honest: this mindset can become your worst enemy. Today, I will share a piece of my journey with you. I’ll tell you why, should pick the words you tell yourself carefully and how it could change your life. 

The beginning

I’m a big user of the “I should ” words, I like to set goals for myself and for my business and for everything I do literally, just ask my husband. The danger is to carry the weight of this commitment to yourself, especially when these commitments aren’t met.  It’s a question of expectations. You might feel unsatisfied or unaccomplished because you haven’t reached all these desires that you foresaw for yourself. Getting 1 million followers on Instagram, growing an evergreen product, the list can be long.

It reminds me of my own journey when I arrived in Canada in 2008. I had a massive to-do list. I arrived here in Montreal with sparkles in my eyes. New country, new possibilities, new opportunities and doors opening to me while embracing my dream of living out of my home city Paris, my dear beloved city.

2008 was THE Year, at that time, I was telling myself, sitting in my living room in Paris, 23 years old me, I should make this happen and take a leap of faith and move to Canada, which I did successfully. I was working my little marketing side-hustle not to make ends meet actually, but to learn. I wanted to go further in my career, I wanted to be a part of the  Web agency, I was dreaming of being a part of fast-pace and very exciting tech world.

Besides, moving from hosting to working at the bank then in real estate marketing, back then I decided that I should freelance and found myself some side-hustles. Working with small businesses, startups and volunteering to all Montreal tech organizations (almost all) to expand my curriculum with so many side hustles was my way to learn and answer the “I should” goals that I set for myself”. I was reading all the books I could have my eyes on to be more knowledgeable in business, anything tech and grow faster as a digital marketer and wanna-be tech startup enthusiast. I wanted to know more and my thought was I should have known more.

5 years later check-in

Over the last 6 to 7 years, I faced a massive transformation – health-wise, becoming a parent and an entrepreneur. It shaped my whole life so differently. I wanted it all and I kept pushing, telling myself I should do more of this or that. Even for small things such as improving my English, expanding my local community network, the next thing I know, my I-should-list  took over my personal life. All these hardships to meet my objectives were hard and heavy when I didn’t encounter my own goals with success. I felt like a failure. Who would not? On top of that, I would brag spending days and nights sitting at a computer working, reading, learning, on many interesting things and projects but ultimately I was not spending enough time with the people that are the most important in my life. 

Introspection

Do I regret doing this? I don’t. Cause I learnt. I think it was the best way I found to learn and that taught me so many layers of learnings from – the Canadian culture, business culture, the rules, the non-tangible things that you should know about living and growing as a business owner in Montreal, the French, the English, yeah I had to learn. Wasn’t easy. I’m very proud though because I pushed and worked hard to make it happen. But, on the opposite side, I think that I sacrificed too much. I was blinded by my goals but I wasn’t thinking about by “why”. And my family is a huge portion of my “why”. After the facts, i’m realizing that being kind to ourselves is to know it’s time to ask for help in our business or in our life. This allow us to focus on what’s really matter to us.

Think about it, we impose so much upon ourselves on how to measure our own happiness and success that we, and I say we, most humans tend to open doors to stress and anxiety with this very specific term “should”. I  realized how powerful and how hurtful words can be. I now realize that my thoughts became my reality. The words I told myself were not the right ones at the time. I’m now really happy that I realized that. I’m now able to adjust my action in order to be even more aligned.

Reminder: Be kind to yourself (always) and treat yourself as you would treat your best friend. This may change your life.

XX

You loving slowpreneur

G.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash